This one is for DollyMopp

I saw this and thought of you, I couldn't resist hope you like it X

Did the villages let their idiots out to play this last week or what?

Ok I am frustrated so I am certain to whine about it… what women do right?

Between the idiots calling at ridiculous hours (clearly states on all sites bar one because they stole my info please do not call after 10pm, and I do turn it off, but I do forget on occasion.)

So joyful 3 am wake up calls from guys who want me to come to see them, in London, Essex, and a few other random places. Now I could understand if I was in those areas but I am not, I mean seriously I wouldn’t even get to Essex before 6am.

London I only offer in-calls and again this information is clearly stated.

I get a text message from a man… “do you do out-calls to MK?”

“ Yes I do minimum booking of two hours” I reply.

So after a few questions which I reply to, (as no net access I am expecting calls for info etc.) he then proceeds to tell me he wants this booking for Monday 13^th to which I reply I am in London and don’t get home until 10pm, so he tells me that the booking is for Monday after for 2 hours and will this be ok. I reply that will be fine but you will have to call as I do not take bookings from text messages.

He replies with this little gem.

“ Would you do bareback 4 £1000”?

I nearly spit my coffee all over my laptop, so I replied…

“Do not contact me again, and you will not get an appointment from me”

To which he replies, “Only asked, Sorry”

I declined to answer, and carry on doing my various little things on the computer, only to have this lovely village idiot text me 20 minutes later with this…

“A Level?”

I didn’t bother to answer, as he clearly didn’t get the message first time round, and I don’t believe you should feed the trolls.

So while this text farce was going on I checked my voicemail.

Only to come across village idiot number 3.

Now about an hour before the texts from idiot number 2 came through I got a call, I did answer but for some reason as I answered, it clicked over to my voicemail, so after having finished doing what I needed to do, the text idiot reminded me I had a voicemail.

So I listened to 2 voicemails that I were there (as phone is off on a Sunday)

And got to this voicemail, well as you can guess it was the over sexed village idiot that obviously needed to jack off down the phone in order to get off…

I mean seriously this idiot clearly wouldn’t be able to get it up unless the woman is not there.

So between those gems, and a few other ladies saying similar has happened to them in the last two weeks, I am wondering if the villages couldn’t handle their idiots and their kids for 6 weeks, and set the idiots loose for a break?

This is not including e-mail idiots, or forum idiots.

Oh what a joy it is to have these village idiots congregate around us.

Computer hell, and slinky new stuff

So I have as you know been planning to change my laptop for a while.

And I have been threatening to get broadband for home rather than just the dongle.

Well would seem that fate was conspiring against and for me in this endeavour.

Due to some random roll of the dice my laptop decided to crash. Ensue panic and mayhem, after having a flap about the fact that I was now Internet blind, I decided to resume normal functionality and look at the problem logically.

I took poor dead laptop to the computer shop in the hopes that they could resurrect him, no such luck, they told me that they were getting no current through the adapter, and that was most likely the cause, and yet they would not check the battery or the connector in the computer itself. So I was left with a choice.

I either bought an adapter worth £70, which once I had opened and used, was non returnable (don’t ask that bit is long and I am still smarting over it) and hope that it worked and if it didn’t then I still had the same problem.

So in my more lucid and infinite wisdom, I decided that, as I was planning on buying a new slinky laptop soon anyway, I might as well bring forward the plan and buy it now.

So I decide to march my cute ass, (I know modesty counts right? I just need the delusion right now.) down to the apple store to have a look as I was quite taken with the look of the Ipad when I came across it, but after serious consideration, I decided that the Ipad wasn’t what I wanted.

I needed something more.

So I settled on the Mac book pro.

It’s shiny and sleek and I’m totally in love with the keyboard I barely have to touch the keys and my letters are flying.

Anyway after serious conversations etc… I bought this wonderful piece of technology, Was staying away for the weekend so hooked up, my bad girl, to my friends broadband, and away we flew, ah I was in seventh heaven till Sunday when I came home and came down with a rather large bump to earth.

I tried to load my dongle and again play with my beauty but it was here fate conspired against and for me.

After a trip to the apple store, the nice tech man tells me that due to the Mac Technology the Phone companies haven’t quite got the technology to play correctly with the Macs.

WHAT!! (Ensue internal profanities! @£$%^&*) There is hope at the end of the

Tunnel Orange seem to be the only provider that have got off their backsides and taken up the challenge, but the launch of their new dongle is 17^th November.

(another round of internal profanity !@£$%^&*!@£$%^&)

Due to the fact that I use said computer for E-mails, Oh my poor clients, I hope they don’t think I was ignoring them.

Anyway as I use said computer for work, I Had to phone a company to get broadband installed in my house, the kicker is that I have to wait till the 24^th of September, before I can play online at home.

So having to make changes via friends comp while at work, and can play at the weekend at friends till I can get it all sorted.

I had to get a new computer, and I was planning broadband, but I had a plan and as much as I like adventure this little jaunt is going to cost me.

The joke is I have a contract for a dongle that I cannot use.

Those idiots are so in breach of contract, and I am so not paying for something that I can’t use.

At no point do any of the phone companies state that their technology is incompatible with Macintosh.

Their supposed, upgrade to snow leopard is a farce and I couldn’t even get it to play with my computer, let alone get online with it.

And the best thing is, The phone companies have known for ages about this and still sit on their ass, extraordinary wouldn’t you agree, considering that a lot of people are now using Macintosh rather than Microsoft.

*edit*

I did manage to get my dongle to work eventually after trawling the internet for all sorts, but I still wanted to rant at the injustice.

Travel, Work, and Summer Holidays

Travel, gah honestly…

Don’t get me wrong I had a wonderful time in the country’s capital (London).

I am seriously impressed with both the people that live there and who use that infernal contraption to travel around to get to work.

I got off at Euston on Monday feeling fairly happy with myself that I was actually in London after all you fella’s asking when I was coming to London, but my entire happy joy, joy mood was ruined by the time I got across London to work.

I spent the best part of Sunday planning what I was going to wear, what I was carrying (luggage wise) etc, and so Monday morning arrives and I get showered dressed and apply small amount of make up (not that I wear much anyway) I pack my work equiptment and set off…
I arrive early at Milton Keynes station and have a coffee, then I jump on the train…
Mission accomplished me thinks…

Wrong! Oh I had no idea how wrong I was about to be proved.

When I finally reached my destination, I was covered in sweat, honestly between running for tubes and the stifling heat on the underground, plus the heat above ground, all my careful prep went right out the window.

I got in dropped my bags and stood for 5 mins just trying to catch my breath, ok so I had made it but I was soaked in sweat felt muggy and dirty and on top of which I had gents to see…

*mental scream of frustration ensued*

So I had to shower again, re-apply all that carefully painted make up, and get my fresh clothes out.

After that I felt so much better and relaxed about the whole thing, I managed to have a wonderful day in the capital.

I think sometimes knowing that all your best laid plans can change in the blink of an eye, helps you realise that life is always quirky, and never follows what you want or need, but that’s just how it works at times.


So, work is all over the place at the moment, and lots of different changes to my schedule, bless I am hoping that you fella’s are keeping up.

My Coventry jaunt and my Friday in MK haven’t changed, just my Mondays, I have yet to baton down the hatches on that particular day so I guess my fella’s will just have to watch out for the changes.

I can say that between work, my pole dancing and the rest of my extra caricular activities I can safely say that when my day is done I am quite happy to fall into bed and I’m asleep before my head hit’s the pillow.
Though with my cat stealing my pillow half the time I normally have living fur encircling my head and purring contentedly.
Anyone who owns cats will appreciate when I say that there is something soothing about a cat purring.
Mind you I draw the line when she try’s to take half my face off with her tongue.
Yes my cat likes to give me a bath, it’s the salt on your skin, just in case anyone wanted to know why cat’s lick you…

Anywho, I was digressing…

Six weeks, of screaming kids, and can I have, and I want,… oh joy.!!
Parents have learned to dread the six weeks holidays, because they spend an inordinate amount of cash, not just on our little cherubs, but on sitters, playschools, activity weeks (like football) water balloons, water guns, paddling pools (because you just know, the expensive one you bought last year has a hole in it!) friends sleeping over, more junk food than kids should conceivably have, and of course you have to take them on holiday!!!

So you have the hassle of flights/car journey, and the bit you know your totally dreading comes up…

Four little words designed to drive adults to distraction.

Even people without children of their own know these words… can you guess what they are…

Yes boys and girls that infernal phrase “ Are we there yet?”

If it was just the once I think we would all be happy campers, but seriously that phrase was made to drive all parents round the bend,
Because it’s not just once our darling cherubs say it, it’s every 5 minutes after the first time, and because they are bored.

Patience is a virtue, and one I can say is, frankly in short supply in the summer months.

Spend all year working to go on holiday with your darling kids, and all they can say is “are we there yet?”
Do they not know that this is our holiday too, that we have spent all year working so we can spend quality time with them?
Of course not because that is the beauty of being a child, you can be as annoying as hell and it’s expected cause you’re still growing up, you still don’t understand all the finer nuances that adults do.
You don’t care that your mommy or daddy has worked all year long and put in copious amounts of overtime just to make sure you get to meet Mickey Mouse at breakfast, or spend all day jetting down water slides, and having kiddies clubs activities.
All they see is the goodies not the effort required to get the goodies.

*anyone else wishing they were a kid again right now? I know I am*

Anyway to all you parents out there… Happy holidays.

Anyway enough ramblings for now.

If you had to cook dinner for someone tonight, what would you make?

I would cook a roast beef dinner with all the trimmings, served with a nice red wine.

Ask me anything

If you could go only to one restaurant for the next five years, which would it be?

Waggamamas, healthy, refreshing and a bit of everything on the menu, Though I would be dying for a buger after the year was up. LOL

Ask me anything

If you could make one person fall in love with you who would it be?

No-one, I could never take someones choice away from them like that.
I would always know that I got them by false means and that would destroy who I am as a person.

Ask me anything